14-year-old who has been living with her aunt since she was 8 tells her mom, who she hasn't talked to in 4 years, that she'll never forgive her if she messes up her adoption: 'My mom called my aunt crying about what I said and my aunt got mad at me'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Apr 17, 2025 8:00 AM EDT

My grandpa always said, "It's tough being a kid," and he was right. It's easy for adults to look down on their struggles, assuming they're unimportant because they aren't paying bills or surviving in "the real world." You couldn't pay me to go back and live as a 14-year-old again. The problems I have regarding finances and dating as a 20-something are so insignificant compared with the problems I had in the 8th grade, at least in terms of the emotional tools I have to deal with them. Back then, I felt everything so intensely, and all I had handle that was my diary and pure willpower. As an adult, I can do so many things to cope when things are going badly. I can pay to see a therapist, take a week off work, or party the night away! You can't do any of that when you're a young teenager. 

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  • The teen in this story is going through it. She was abandoned by her mother when she was 8, and now her mom is trying to bring her back into her life after four years of not talking to her. Despite her aunt telling her not to speak to her mom, this girl couldn't help it.

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    Cheezburger Image 10494848256
    via Olivia Hibbins

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for telling my mom I’ll never forgive her if she messes up my adoption

    I've (14f) been living with my aunt (my mom's sister) since I was 8. It was originally because of an issue with her ex boyfriend and CPS placed me with my aunt then she used to say she couldn't handle 4 kids as a single mom so I had to stay with my aunt then we just didn't talk for a few years.
    via u/siblingbond
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    My aunt has been trying to adopt me for years. We're finally able to try to get my mom's parental rights terminated because she didn't speak to any of us or send money or anything for 4 years. I really like living with my aunt. On Tuesdays we go out to eat. She
    via u/siblingbond
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    says we take turns choosing the restaurant but I get to choose almost every week. On Fridays we order pizza and watch a movie and eat ice cream in our pajamas on the couch. When I started middle school she started taking me to get my nails done with her so now we do that every other
    via u/siblingbond
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    Saturday and at least once a month (sometimes more during summers or school breaks) we get to visit her condo in the mountains. There's a little beach and the past couple years she's been letting me hang out with my friends or alone by the beach or downtown or at the pool or wherever as long as I keep my
    via u/siblingbond
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    location on my phone and I'm home by the time it gets dark. After my mom got notice that her rights were going to be terminated she got in contact with my aunt and started emailing my old email address. saying she misses me and she wants to see me. She's sent me
    via u/siblingbond
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    pictures of her new family and she's sending my aunt money so she can say she's a part of my life and she's taking care of me.
    via u/siblingbond
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    My aunt told me not to contact my mom yet and to let her take care of everything. I listened for a while then my mom sent me a picture of a bed at her house with a bunch of shopping bags on it and she said that's my bed and she has presents for me and she can't wait for me to come home. I
    via u/siblingbond
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    Cheezburger Image 10494850816
    via Denisse Leon

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    emailed her back and told her that I don't want to live with her. I haven't seen her or talked to her for 4 years and I don't even know who half the people in the pictures she sent me are. I also said that I really love living here and that if she f s up my adoption I'll never forgive her and I'll never speak to her after I turn 18.
    via u/siblingbond
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    My mom called my aunt crying about what I said and my aunt got mad at me because she told me not to contact my mom. Now I'm wondering if I was the a hole for contacting my mom when I wasn't supposed to and being r de to her.
    via u/siblingbond
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    Cheezburger Image 10494851584
    via Danie Franco

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    LobToOneSide YTA, but softly. Your Aunt told you not to talk to your mom not because the things she's saying is correct, but because she doesn't want you to mess up the adoption process. You're a kid, you don't know what you're saying, and it's really easy to accidentally say something that messes it ip legally. Especially since it's over text, every single little thing that's communicated is going to be heavily scrutinized by your mother's legal team. More than that, if you talk to her, your mo
    via u/siblingbond
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    If you trust your Aunt, bear it and listen to her. You're not a bad person, but you're not the one who is supposed to be in charge of what to do right now, please let her get you all through it.
    via u/siblingbond
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    Aunt_Claira Poor kiddo. It was a panic reaction.
    via u/Aunt_Claira
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    LobToOneSide Yeah I feel really bad, it's not really the kid's fault of course at the end of the day, but can't deny it's not great they did it. It really just makes you angry at the mom.
    via u/LobToOneSide
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    Ok_Neighborhood_2159 It is kinda her fault. It is important for her to know potential consequences for her actions. If we do not hold our children responsible for their mistakes, how will they learn? This is a teachable moment. One of the most difficult lessons I tried instilling in my son over and over was that he must accept responsibility for his actions. It took several years and reinforcement in therapy for him to do this. Hopefully, the OP has learned this and will listen to her aunt in th
    via u/Ok_Neighborhood_2159
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    Sorry_I_Guess So, you know all that stuff you see online about your "brain" (really your prefrontal cortex) not being fully developed until you're around 25 or 26? That's what's at play here and why it genuinely isn't her fault.
    via u/Sorry_I_Guess
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    That's the part of the brain that is responsible for things like impulse control and the ability to not just technically understand but really, fully comprehend long-term consequences. It's why teenagers are so impulsive and do things that aren't in their best interests even after we've explained to them that they could have dire consequences. Because literally the part of their brain that sends out the signals helping us pause and think things through, and really consider what could happen as a
    via u/Sorry_I_Guess
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    And you've actually seen that in action: One of the most difficult lessons I tried instilling in my son over and over was that he must accept responsibility for his actions. It took several years and reinforcement in therapy for him to do this. The reason it was so difficult, and "took several years and reinforcement in therapy" wasn't because your son was stupid. He understood what you were telling him, in the sense that your
    via u/Sorry_I_Guess
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    words made sense to him. But his brain wasn't in a place to really conceive of what that meant in real-time. A 14-year-old can understand the potential consequences as you explain them, in a literal sense. But their ability to hold themselves in check in the moment, if they're overwhelmed and emotional, combined with the fact that their brain can't really picture the things you've said coming to fruition in any meaningful way, means that often they're going to do the stupid/wrong/impulsive thing
    via u/Sorry_I_Guess
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    Eventually, as you've described, they grow, their brains develop, and they have better control of their impulses and choices. But it does take time. OP is only 14. This was her "fault" in the literal sense that she did what she wasn't supposed to. But as adults we also have to recognize that she quite literally didn't have the same self-control that we do, especially when agitated by her mother's pushing.
    via u/Sorry_I_Guess
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    hyundai-gt I think your aunt is concerned that if you start emailing your mom, she won't be able to say to the courts that your mom has gone 4 years without communicating with you - so this maybe could hurt your adoption process. Best to talk to your aunt to understand better. NAH, good luck.
    via u/hyundai-gt
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    pennywhistlesmoonpie I'm not going to call a 14-year-old who is being manipulated by her birth mother an AH. NTA, sweetie. But going forward, definitely listen to your aunt. She has your best interests at heart, and now there is a paper trail establishing that your birth mother has been in contact. You're allowed to react emotionally, it's very, very human and understandable. If you get the urge to send another message, please go immediately to your aunt. She will listen and help, I promise.
    via u/pennywhistlesmoonpie
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    potaytoh_potahtoh YTA because you may have made your adoption process harder by responding to your mom. I understand why you did it, but it wasn't the right time to talk to her. There is something called "parental alienation" which means your mom can now claim that your aunt has turned you against her, and if the court believes her then it might be more likely to decide you have to move back in with your mom. Listen to your aunt from now on and do what she says, because she is probably following
    via u/potaytoh_potahtoh

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